This is a piece I wrote last year for my other blog but one I like to republish whenever possible because of the message I hope it can send out.
Virginity. Female virginity at that.
Some of you may remember a post I made a few years back about Condom Fashion. As it is almost always in our blogsphere, the discussion drifted away and at some point there were people talking about the benefit of anal sex because then the girl could have her fun and still remain a virgin until she ties the knot. Coming from someone who is most probably still below thirty years of age, I found it disturbing that such ideas still exist among us. It was then suggested by someone that a post should be written on virginity and related issues. This was written with my generation and society in mind.
First of all, what is virginity? Virginity is, in essence, the term used to describe the state of never having engaged in copulation. Pretty simple. It is the different interpretations of and beliefs regarding virginity that have made it the complex issue it is.
What does virginity mean to you? To some it’s a virtue. To some it’s old fashioned nonsense. To another it’s based on religious beliefs. To others it is based on cultural ‘values’. The list goes on.
What does virginity mean to a man? That is a question I will leave open to the men who read this, feel free to leave your definitions, interpretations so that I won’t be accused of misrepresenting you. But I do need to mention that male expectation of female virginity still does exist in many societies including ours and it would be interesting to hear the point of view and justification of those who want a ‘virgin bride’ so to speak.
What does virginity mean to a woman? Before moving on to my own point of view, I will just note the general female thought regarding their virginity which once again varies according to different individuals. To some it is, as I mentioned before, a virtue. To others it is something not worth worrying too much about. To some, it is a duty, a responsibility. And whatever other interpretations women may have regarding it. Once again, it would be extremely interesting to hear different views of females about their virginity.
And now for my view on the whole issue of virginity. I first got to know about virginity somewhere around middle school (i think) when there was a trashy sinhala novel circulating around the class and we stumbled upon the part where the bride and the bridegroom have spent their first night together and the groom’s mother comes to their room in the morning to check the bed sheet for a blood stain. Some of the more knowledgable classmates enlightened us as to what this blood stain was supposed to be and we listened, fascinated. As is with the age, we already had most of the theoretical knowledge about sexual intercourse but the importance on virginity was a whole new thing.
For the longest time, I only ever thought of virgins as women. The fact that a man is also a virgin was a thought that never crossed my mind because nobody really cared. It was almost as if males were expected to lose their virginity with no questions about the how and the when while at the same time females were expected to guard their box with their life.
Personally I don’t regard virginity to be a virtue. I respect women regardless of the fact whether they are virgins or not because it is a choice which I believe is up to each individual. A choice they may or may not regret but definitely something only the individual has a say over.
One of the biggest issues regarding virginity seems to be premarital sex. As strange as it may sound to some people, we live in a country where daily there are women visiting doctors wondering if their hymen could be restored because in some instances, the woman had sexual intercourse with a previous partner and is now about to get married to someone else.
Once again, from a woman’s point of view, I think it is her choice. I’m not going into factors such as age and level of maturity but as a person who has been aware of her actions and consequences for a long time, I think most females also have an understanding, however remote it may be, whether their choice is right or wrong and if it is what she needs at that point of her life.
In a religious context, I’m unaware of the views regarding female virginity because I simply don’t know. My life and choices are not based on my religion but I respect those whose lives are governed by religion, whatever my opinion of them may be. I don’t impose my opinion on them and I will tolerate them as long as they don’t impose their views on me.
If an unmarried woman feels that she is ready to advance her relationship with her partner then that is necessarily her choice. If she thinks she’d rather wait until she gets married, that is again her choice.
For my part I have never been with nor would want to be with a man who expects a virgin bride. It is a very narrow and foolish idea especially since the proof they look for is an intact hymen. And we all know that sexual intercourse is just one of the many ways a hymen could break which means it is unfair for a woman to be tested in such a stupid method while men are not tested, not even by a stupid method.
Technical Virginity. I suppose this could be called a compromise. Technical virginity refers to engaging in oral and anal sex thus leaving a person technically a virgin. I for one think it is silly and proves why the huge fuss made about virginity is a load of bollocks. Again, my opinion.
I will end my rant with something Voltaire said, which to me sums up both the stupid notions regarding virginity and my own opinion on the whole issue.
“It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue”